Updated: Jul 15, 2020
Here's a bit of tough love that eventually comes up in my sessions with partnered and married folks: there is an often unconscious expectation that their partners will show up for them in a way that they are not showing up for themselves.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This comes from our childhood wounds of not having adults in our lives who could hold space for us, who took care of us appropriately, who gave us structure, love, and boundaries.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So we look to repair these wounds in our adult relationships and often end up in a "codependent" dynamic because we are looking for our partners to fill a need that we got to do for ourselves first.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ As @angelamarymagick says "Love Yourself First and Best." Your adult self needs to give your inner child the respect, encouragement and validation that they need.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Your partner can support you and provide these things too (as they should!) but are you filling your own cup first? Are you showing yourself how much you value yourself, respect yourself, honor your own boundaries, have self-responsibility first and foremost?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ This isn't meant as a call out. I just love you and do not want to see you suffer because your partner isn't meeting a need that YOU, my dear, have the power to fill.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So today, lets look at our relationships with ourselves and see where we can show up for ourselves a bit more today.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Cassandra Solano, LCSW
Yay for New Friends!
Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself!