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Unconscious Family Loyalties

When working with my clients we not only look at developmental trauma & how what we experienced as children shaped us, but also how those dynamics continue to play our in our adult lives if we still have contact with family.

Sometimes we discover unconscious family loyalty is keeping some of my clients from having the fun, Love, or success they desire. This is usually for one of two reasons: they feel they’re abandoning their families, or their family will abandon them if they claim what they want and desire.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ If you have healthy family system dynamics, this can sound crazy. What parent wouldn’t want their child to be successful, have a great relationship, and follow their dreams? Many parents consciously say they want these things for their children, but then project their own fears, needs, and control issues into their adult children and extinguish their child’s happiness at the same time.

Do you feel this is true in your family? I also want to acknowledge there are cultural considerations and some families are more collectivist because of the culture and this is nuanced depending on culture. But one thing that is objective and cross cultural is your divine right to experience happiness, love and personal fulfillment in your life.

With Compassion,

Cassandra Solano, LCSW

Yay for New Friends!

Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself!

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