Updated: Jul 15, 2020
Everyone is buzzing this morning about Alicia Keys and her performance as a host and on stage at last nights 2019 Grammy's Awards. The media and fans alike are talking about how Alicia Keys brought in the love, good vibes and unity that represents the gift of music.
Full disclosure: I have been a big fan of Alicia Keys since 1999 and have to say she can do no wrong in my book. However what she did in the first one minute and 20 seconds at the Grammys last night is what I believe set the rest of the night up to be such a touching and powerful evening.
From the moment we saw her swag coming up the steps to the stage, saw her big open arms and smiling face, we felt we were being greeted by an old friend from the jump. She thanked the audience for the love, then she brought all of us into what the psychology field calls "attunement" with her positive energy with her words:
"We are in here for an incredible night. . . Do you feel that love in the building. . . I want everyone in here who might be feeling a little bit nervous, feeling you know, a lot of energy, just let your shoulders drop, just know that I got you. I'm goin to take care of you tonight. I've got you tonight, yes I do."
Then she goes on to compliment the audience, call out a few VIP's, creating a family atmosphere. The finale, of course is when Lady Gaga, First Lady Michelle Obama, Jada Pinkett Smith, and Jennifer Lopez come out showing a diverse, powerful, inspiring tribe of women that we all wish we had in our lives.
I screamed at my husband after I heard Alicia speak. "Do you know what she just did? She brought the whole place into alignment with her! She brought everyone into a state of parasympathetic response, lowered psychological defenses, opened hearts, and was reassuring in a time when we are constantly feeling attacked!"
I was impressed. A good therapist or coach has this skill. To bring you into resonance with them, to help you lower your defenses, open your heart, make you feel safe and supported. These are the qualities of a good therapist or coach.
Attunement is the state where you know from an energetic and feeling place that you are truly being seen, felt, heard, and paid attention to.
For many who have experienced trauma, the basic need of safety and belonging was missing during childhood or it was taken away in a traumatic event. What Alicia Keys did in the first 1:20 of the Grammys was a beautiful, profound act of service which brought all of us watching a little bit of healing last night. Find someone who makes you feel that same sense of security that Alicia did. A partner, therapist, coach who you know has "got you" and is there for you. This is so simple, but a true secure attachment with someone you trust is foundational step in healing trauma.
Cassandra Solano, LCSW
Yay for New Friends!
Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself!