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Finding Versus Staying In A Relationship

Yesterday a client and I talked about the difference between finding a relationship (particularly being the “pursuer”) vs. staying in a relationship, tolerating intimacy, and not “sabotaging” relationship. The skills between finding and staying in a relationship are different. Once we “have” someone and they start to get close to our hearts we become emotionally invested + vulnerable which can bring up an entirely different level of triggers too. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Being in healthy relationship isn’t something most of us have seen growing up and unless we consciously educate ourselves, heal our past wounds, and get support it can be difficult to have a healthy relationship or we can spend a lot of time fumbling around, missing potentially good opportunities, or settling for a relationship that is toxic. I’m offering a free email series on healthy relationship foundations for the next 3 weeks to my newsletter subscribers. Click here to subscribe! With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Normalize Disagreeing And More In Relationships

I am passionate about teaching relationship skills and how to have healthy relationships because I think it’s a Huge problem in the world. We’ve invented mini computers (our smart phones) that can do miraculous thing’s but can’t teach high schoolers about attachment, self regulation, and communication. Worse we’re often embarrassed or ashamed to tell our family and friends what’s really going on in our relationships because of the societal pressure to have it all together. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
So let’s start with normalizing that we argue and disagree with our partners sometimes. This isn’t a pass for abuse and disrespect or other harm. And the truth is, we’re human and going to hurt, trigger, make mistakes, and how we come through those “ruptures” influences and shapes the quality of our relationships. I’ll be taking about conflict and conflict resolution (aka “rupture and repair”) in my upcoming 4 week group program on healthy relationships that starts in September. In the meantime if you want to get a free handout on attachment styles and how to start healing, head to the link in my bio to grab it. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW #trauma #traumainformed #healingtrauma #healthyrelationships #consciousrelationship #consciousthrivingrelationships #reparenting #feminineenergy #divinefeminine #intuitiveguidance #intuitive #witchesofinstagram #brujasofinstagram #singlemom #divorcedlife #divorcedmom #relationshipgoals #relationshiphelp #relationshipcoach Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Two Primary Childhood Wounds

CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ In this video I'm going to talk about 2 primary childhood wounds that may be impacting your adult relationships. It's really important to understand that the way you were raised has a profound impact on your biological development, especially that of the nervous system. The development of your nervous system impacts how you show up in your relationships. Join me as I go into how these 2 childhood wounds may have manifested as anxious and avoidant attachment styles today. If you'd like to learn more, download my free "Healing Attachment Styles" e-book. The e-book goes more into detail on these attachment styles along with healing tips that you can start implementing today. Also, be on the lookout for my next group program starting in September where I'll be going into this topic in much more detail. ❤️ With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW #anxiousattachmentstyle #avoidantattachment #childhoodtrauma #healingchildhoodwounds #innerchildwork #shadowwork #rootofhealing #onlinetherapy #onlinetherapyworks Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Learning To Feel Safe To Be Yourself

For years I reacted rather than responded in relationships. I didn’t even know what I was doing: fawning, letting people take advantage of me, accepting unacceptable behaviors, wasn’t ok. I was the Queen “people pleaser” and doing what I had leaned in childhood to survive. Then I learned what “people pleasing” was but I couldn’t stop it. I would see myself say yes when I really wanted to say no, to not speak up or pretend to agree when I didn’t, and beat up on myself for not living my truth. It was frustrating. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I had to show my nervous system that was driving these automatic responses that it was safe to start setting boundaries, saying no, having my own needs, and take up space in a relationship. This happened with small, gradual steps over time that showed my nervous system/subconscious mind that it was safe to let go of those old responses and start showing up as me! Happy Leo full moon I hope this message gives you some courage to take one small, courageous step towards being more of who you are and letting it be seen. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW #narcissisticfather #emotionalabuse #narcissisticmother #ancestraltrauma #innerchild #narcissisticabuse #adultchildrenofalcoholics #consciousrelationships #childhoodtrauma #intergenerationaltrauma #emotionaltrauma #relationshipcoach #relationshipadvice #relationshiphelp #relationshiptips #unhappilymarried #marriagecounseling #marriagetherapist #marriageadvice #consciousrelationship #innerchildhealing #cptsd #traumatherapist #trauma #traumainformed #healingtrauma #traumahealing #spiritualgrowth #cptsdrecovery #selfhealer Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Why Healthy Attachment is Critical For Entrepreneurs

CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I recently had the pleasure of being interviewed by Sara Yamtich for her Conscious Conversion podcast. See the video above and her description below. "One of the greatest tragedies of our world is the collective lack of awareness around attachment style and how it affects our vibration and energy. It’s a seed planted in childhood, but its effects are far-reaching enough to permeate our decisions and our most important relationships. Our attachment style doesn’t just affect our romantic relationships, it reveals itself in our businesses and even how we show up in the digital space and use social media. We are worthy of relationships that are soulful, fulfilling and life-affirming, but that requires us to heal and shift away from the fight or flight mode of our primal brains. If we don’t heal from this it means that we’ll be pouring into every part of our lives from a contaminated well. Where does our attachment style originate from and how does it manifest in the areas of our lives? What will it take for us to move into the 5D experience? In this episode, conscious relationship coach Cassandra Solano talks about radical vibration and the power of a healthy attachment style." For more from Sara, find her online and on Instagram! With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW #resonatewithsara #consciousconversion #thealgorithmofabundance #algorithmofabundance #fbads #facebookads #consciousrelationships #childhoodtrauma #intergenerationaltrauma #emotionaltrauma #relationshipcoach #relationshipadvice #relationshiphelp #relationshiptips #consciousrelationship #innerchildhealing #trauma #traumainformed #healingtrauma #traumahealing #spiritualgrowth #selfhealer #intimacy #sexuality #sexpositive Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Slow, Steady, Progress

Slow, steady, and small steps. That’s how the body likes to change. Whether it be building muscle, training for a race, rehabilitation after a surgery, or your nervous system healing from #trauma and #cptsd our biology functions similarly. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
So if you’re struggling, it’s not a moral failing. It’s not that you aren’t “strong enough” or “spiritual enough” or trying hard enough. You are ENOUGH exactly as you are right now. Even in moments where we feel we aren’t making “progress” and feel down or loose our temper. Offer yourself whatever grace and self compassion feels accessible to you right now as a small first step back on track. You are not broken. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW #trauma #healingtrauma #traumahealing #cptsd #cptsdrecovery #ptsd #reparenting #polyvagaltheory #nervoussystem #yogamom #momprenur #narcissisticabuse #childhoodabuse #intuitive #innerchildhealing #innerchild #followyourintuition Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Redefine Parental Relationships

Just because that’s the way it’s been doesn’t mean that’s the way you need to continue to do things, with anything in life including your relationships. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
So even if you've felt like you’ve “done the work” with your parents and had set boundaries, reestablished a good relationship, have gone no contact, you can always change your mind if you feel differently or they change. Yes some people are so toxic no contact needs to stay in place. But if you are feeling things need to change again that’s ok too. **also I realize there’s an as* in the post that is a typo but I did this late and am going to show my perfectionist nervous system it’s ok to make mistakes by leaving it here! With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW #narcissisticfather #emotionalabuse #narcissisticmother #ancestraltrauma #innerchild #narcissisticabuse #adultchildrenofalcoholics #consciousrelationships #childhoodtrauma #intergenerationaltrauma #emotionaltrauma #relationshipcoach #relationshipadvice #relationshiphelp #relationshiptips #childhoodtrauma #marriagecounseling #marriagetherapist #marriageadvice #consciousrelationship #innerchildhealing #cptsd #traumatherapist #trauma #traumainformed #healingtrauma #traumahealing #spiritualgrowth #cptsdrecovery #selfhealer Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Stop Comparing Yourself

CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I heard this saying years ago in self help meetings and it has anchored me when stuck in comparison to the truth that you don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors or in another persons mind & nobody’s perfect and their life does not look as good as they make it on social media. Sending you a boatload of self compassion! With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Is It Time To Get Support?

CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There are so many great free resources out there like podcasts, books, and videos that you may come across on your healing journey. These resources can be helpful in exploring why we might be struggling and what the root cause may be. Once you're aware of what might be going on, it's a good time to start reaching out for support. In this video I go over the kind of help and support you might need depending on what stage you're in on your journey. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW #healingsupport #healingsupportgroup #anxietyhelp #healinganxiety #traumahealing #therapy #healingfromtrauma #onlinesupport #oninesupportgroup #healingtherapy Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Unconscious Family Loyalties

When working with my clients we not only look at developmental trauma & how what we experienced as children shaped us, but also how those dynamics continue to play our in our adult lives if we still have contact with family. Sometimes we discover unconscious family loyalty is keeping some of my clients from having the fun, Love, or success they desire. This is usually for one of two reasons: they feel they’re abandoning their families, or their family will abandon them if they claim what they want and desire. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If you have healthy family system dynamics, this can sound crazy. What parent wouldn’t want their child to be successful, have a great relationship, and follow their dreams? Many parents consciously say they want these things for their children, but then project their own fears, needs, and control issues into their adult children and extinguish their child’s happiness at the same time. Do you feel this is true in your family? I also want to acknowledge there are cultural considerations and some families are more collectivist because of the culture and this is nuanced depending on culture. But one thing that is objective and cross cultural is your divine right to experience happiness, love and personal fulfillment in your life. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW #narcissisticfather #emotionalabuse #narcissisticmother #ancestraltrauma #innerchild #narcissisticabuse #adultchildrenofalcoholics #consciousrelationships #childhoodtrauma #intergenerationaltrauma #emotionaltrauma #relationshipcoach #relationshipadvice #relationshiphelp #relationshiptips #spiritualwoman #consciouswoman #marriagetherapist #marriageadvice #consciousrelationship #innerchildhealing #cptsd #traumatherapist #trauma #traumainformed #healingtrauma #traumahealing #spiritualgrowth #cptsdrecovery #selfhealer Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Behind The Scenes Of A Healthy Relationship

Behind the scenes as a mompreneur running this business with my husband. Did you know he helps out with this business, does essentially all the housework, cooking, fixing things and home schooling? The reason I can build this business and hold the space for my clients in the way I do during a pandemic is this man holding things down behind the scenes. I’m so grateful I have the support of this man in my life and for the secure attachment we have that has become the safe container for me to dream and build this business. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Thanks to my sister for randomly snapping this photo of us working in my little home office. Yes I talk with my hands all the time! This type of relationship and communication has taken practice and work, but together we’re supporting a family of 6 with this business, breaking cycles of intergenerational trauma & poverty, and showing how to do second marriages right. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Training For More Self Love

Healing happens in small steps. Sometimes we can get overwhelmed with lots of self help content to a point of doing nothing and staying stuck. Just like training for a 10k run would take time if you haven’t ran in a long time so that your body and muscles adjust to running longer distances, our nervous system also needs time, consistency, and small steps toward healing. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
So today I invite you to just be 1% more self compassionate, nurturing, or kind towards yourself. Maybe this looks like not calling yourself a name, drinking more water, or taking a shower. Small steps forward is how we train ourselves for more self love over time. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW #narcissisticfather #emotionalabuse #narcissisticmother #ancestraltrauma #innerchild #narcissisticabuse #childhoodwounds #consciousrelationships #childhoodtrauma #intergenerationaltrauma #emotionaltrauma #relationshipcoach #relationshipadvice #relationshiphelp #relationshiptips #momprenur #loveyourself #marriagetherapist #selflove #consciousrelationship #innerchildhealing #cptsd #traumatherapist #trauma #traumainformed #healingtrauma #traumahealing #spiritualgrowth #cptsdrecovery #selfhealer Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

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