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The Struggle to Set Boundaries with Family

CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Even when we feel like we’ve made so much progress on our healing journeys and are getting more comfortable with setting healthy boundaries, we may face a challenge, or sometimes even feel as if we’ve regressed when setting boundaries with family members. This is because when it comes to doing work with our family of origin, we’re “returning to the scene of the crime,” so to speak. The neural pathways that were formed in our brains are wired to respond a certain way to events that happen in our lives, and most of these events took place in our early lives, among members of our immediate family. Please know that you are not alone. Many people, across all stages of their healing journeys experience difficulty setting boundaries with their immediate families. Remember to give yourself grace, and celebrate the fact that you are making positive changes in your life. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Are You Stuck And Staying Small?

The ways we’ve survived in the past are often keeping us stuck and from pursuing our passions, having energy to put towards our goals, and keeping us small. When it hasn’t been safe to be seen growing up and when dimming your shine and silence was how you stayed safe, you have laid down these patterns or neural pathways in your brain. That means these responses become wired and our default response. So even if we “know” what we should do, what we’re capable of, and have big hopes and dreams, these old patterns will take over when we’re stressed. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The good news is that the brain is neural plastic, meaning that it can change with support, safe relationships, co-regulation, and small, strategic and consistent action. It’s like doing road reconstruction and laying down a new road over a dirt road. The dirt road worked fine, but a paved road works better. But like building a road it takes layers and time for it to settle. I see so many incredible talented and smart people feeling stuck around taking that risk and putting themselves out there to reach their goals or start new relationships. It’s heartbreaking especially with I see my fellow BIPOC women who with the added trauma of colonization, are not reaching their potential. So if you’re feeling stuck be easy on yourself, identify the patterns that are keeping you stuck, and find safe support to get you unstuck. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

The Number One Sign You're Overfunctioning in a Relationship

CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I like to think of relationships as separate entities, much like a business, they wouldn’t make sense if one person was putting in the bulk of the work, while the other person sits back and collects a paycheck. If you’re the one doing all the hard work in your relationship, it’s going to result in burnout, resentment towards your partner, and not getting your own needs met and fulfilled. Here's how to start the conversation with your partner. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

You Aren't Broken - There Is A Reason

Anyone else binge #thequeensgambit ? It’s a great mini series and also highlights substance use as a way to cope with trauma for many people, even really “smart” ones. I found the main characters best friend so compassionate and understanding in the show. She knows the main character had been through some hard times, was using to escape, and was always non judgmental towards her friend. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Whatever our hang ups are, they are often survival adaptations to past traumas and stress. It may be something other than drugs and alcohol that we do, use, and are stuck in a pattern of to help us cope. Even shutting down, lashing out, and self sabotage could have been adaptive at some point in the past to keep us safe, protect us, or help us not feel pain. The first step to heal is always hope and getting out of the proverbial shame spiral. And if we don’t have a Best friend to offer us some compassion, we might explore the hat it would feel like to place a hand on our heart and send some compassionate towards ourselves. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Why You Need To Find A Community

CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Why You Need to Find a Community - Today I’m going to share why, if you’re going against the grain in your family or in your culture, and doing something no one else has done, you need to find a community. A community is so important from an evolutionary perspective. I know it can be extra difficult in the time of COVID to connect with other people, so I will share some ideas to make it easier for you for you to take the first small, brave step, and reach out for the support you need. If you want personal support in finding your community, or in addition to the community you've found, please reach out to me. I am taking applications through Thursday to work with me 1:1 starting in December! With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

What Is A Conscious Relationship?

Have you ever wondered what exactly I mean when I talk about conscious relationships? For me, it means that we are self-aware, that we are on our own healing journey, that we're doing this deep personal self-reflection and exploration, that we are entering into relationships intentionally with our eyes open and with curiosity. We're asking questions, we're noticing how our bodies are feeling as we are engaging and are interacting with somebody whether it's a first date or you've been married for 20 years. We are constantly evaluating ourselves and the relationship and making a dedicated concerted effort to continue to nurture and grow the relationship. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Even seeing those arguments or those times that we're triggered as the way that we heal our deep childhood wounds through how we learn to talk through things, how we use healthy communication skills to hash things out and how we can come together to problem solve to help each other's inner children feel seen, felt, and heard and understood to heal those past wounds. As a conscious relationship coach, that is what I am here for. I lived for so long in unhealthy, unfulfilling relationships where I was just in survival mode. I was constantly just reacting and kind of doing everything I could to try to get love and to be loved, but going about it in ways that weren't healthy, they weren't serving me. They weren't good for my body, for my spirit. Today I know that I am and I know that each one of you are worth so much more. And if you are ready to have a conscious relationship, if you're ready to embark on this journey, I just want to celebrate that. If there's a part of you that knows that you want and that you deserve more, I'm deeply honoring you today. Let's all try to be more conscious in our relationships this week. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

How Childhood Emotional Abuse & Neglect Affects Adult Relationships

CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A while ago, I spoke about what childhood emotional abuse and neglect is, and I went more into detail. You can see it in my IGTV history. If you’re not 100% sure what childhood emotional abuse entails, I’d encourage you to watch that video first. Childhood abuse and neglect has a HUGE influence on our adult relationships. Even if it appears as if on the outside we had a good childhood, there are certain negative actions from our caregivers that may have triggered a response in our nervous systems. We may still be struggling today, as a result of not feeling seen, heard or cared for as children, not being responded to, or having our feelings or emotions downplayed or dismissed by our caregivers. All of this counts. Your feelings are always valid, whether or not your specific situation can be viewed as a textbook definition of a traumatic experience. If you’re seeing long-lasting, impacting effects on your life, and you think it might be related to what happened in your childhood, that is for you and only you to decide. I believe you. I see you. And you make perfect sense. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Connecting With Your Well Seated Ancestors

Connecting and building relationship with, and resourcing myself with my well seated Ancestors has changed my life in ways I couldn’t begin to name. I’ve taken walks with my ancient indigenous grandmothers along the rivers in the woods, stood in circle with them, held space for them to heal the unwell ancestors in the lineage, collaborated with them to tend to the fire lighting the way for the mass influx of dead from C19 this year, felt their presence when I needed guidance and courage, and know I’m never alone. I believe connection with our ancestors, whether we’re in a white body or a body of culture is vital to healing our world. Reclamation of our cultures, especially for white bodies, and connection to our traditional ways, our spirituality and gifts of our lineages is accessible and Available to all. This connection can start as simply as lighting a tea light from the dollar store and asking your supportive, well seated ancestors to come into your life. They are waiting, watching, and loving you from the other side already. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You not only have these powerful ancestors who knew how to heal, to build, to connect, to grow, to live in rhythm and with the cycles of Nature, this knowledge is in you too. In your blood & bones are ancestral memories of thousands of years. Waiting to be discovered are gifts. My grandmother told me we are seers and I continue to discover what this means for me. On this day and everyday I acknowledge and tend to my ancestors with having an ancestral altar in my home and calling upon them. I acknowledge my ancient grandmother Kh’wei (pronounced coo-weigh as she shared with me in a vision) and my 3 other ancient ones who stand with her in my visions. These connections are our birthright. We must step in and call upon them. Dismiss the colonizers ideas that this magic was from the “devil” as it was meant to control you. If you’re still reading this, They are calling you. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

The Niceness Epidemic

CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Niceness Do you struggle with the belief that you always have to be nice? This comes up A LOT in sessions with my clients. As womxn, we are indoctrinated to believe that it is wrong to not be nice, and in doing so, we disconnect from our true selves, we lose touch with our feelings, and drift away further and further from our truth. I want you to know that it is okay to feel angry, or sad. It is safe to embrace the mind-body connection and truly feel these feelings. We can be in touch with our bodies… In touch with our feelings… boldly express ourselves… stand up for ourselves… …and still be loving and kind, while making sure our own needs are met. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Your Worth

As 2020 is coming to a close in two short months, I wanted to revisit my "word of the year," WORTH. Throughout this year, there have been many times that BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, immigrants, those with mental health issues, the elderly, and many other groups have been made to feel worthless. Treated as less than, made to feel like a burden, like our lives don't matter. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But I want to remind you that it is time to reclaim your worth. There is nothing wrong with you. You are ENOUGH. And I promise you are worth far more than even you believe. Remember that as we go into a new week. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

What Is The Family Systems Theory?

CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Today I want to share how important it is to get clear on your family dynamics and the role you played in your family and how that that knowledge can help you get break free from the old patterns, get unstuck and start living your life with intention. We're going to be talking more about family roles and family systems and dealing with our families of origin, whether or not you still have contact with them or whatever your family of origin looked like for you in months one and two (November and December 2020) in the Head & Heart Community. Doors are closing at noon PST on October 28th, so if you’re seeing this after that date, I’m so sorry we missed you but keep your eyes open for as we’ll be reopening opening doors in the spring of 2021. If you’re ready to heal past wounds and heal in love and life, I am here to support you. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW #narcissisticfather #emotionalabuse #narcissisticmother #ancestraltrauma #innerchild #narcissisticabuse #adultchildrenofalcoholics #consciousrelationships #childhoodtrauma #intergenerationaltrauma #emotionaltrauma #relationshipcoach #relationshipadvice #relationshiphelp #relationshiptips #unhappilymarried #marriagecounseling #marriagetherapist #marriageadvice #consciousrelationship #innerchildhealing #cptsd #traumatherapist #trauma #traumainformed #healingtrauma #traumahealing #spiritualgrowth #cptsdrecovery #selfhealer Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

Have You Thanked Your Body?

A personal note on my healing journey: I’ve been eating to cope with stress and trauma since I was in 5th grade. Coupled with actual food insecurity at that time when my parents were financially struggling and I was a free lunch kid and many meals were given to us for free from family who ran burger stands in town, to my mom having to go back to work since before I was born and I took on the responsibility of my younger siblings and the latch key life, food has always been my companion. My adult life has been a roller coaster of crash diets, pills, weight watchers, et. Sometimes with success but then the inevitable gain again. CLICK FOR A FREE HANDOUT ON ATTACHMENT STYLES ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I’m working with a coach now to address some core trauma at the center of my relationship with food and recognize this is a huge privilege. I don’t have the answers but something I do know is that radical love and acceptance of my sized 18 body and all the ways it works to keep me safe and from being seen (this is where the past trauma comes in) is miraculous and I love my body for this. So I show my body love with wearing undergarments that fit, with taking my time applying my lotions and oils after my showers, with pleasure and presence. Thanks for witnessing me today loves. I share this so you can see we’re all works in progress and the journey continues. With Compassion, Cassandra Solano, LCSW Yay for New Friends! Hi there! I'd love to gift you a free handout on a huge key to having healthy relationships: Attachment Styles. Your attachment style is just as important as your enneagram or horoscope in helping you understand yourself! Sign up here to grab the guide!

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